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Cannes 2013: Presenting Aishwarya Rai, the Human Tent

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You remember how we were talking about the Bachchan household seemingly having to economise? So, now that pa-in-law Amitabh Bachchan has appropriated her saris and the hotel curtains have all been used up for yesterday’s appearance, the ever-resourceful Aishwarya Rai sashayed down the Cannes red carpet today in what seems to be a dress made out of tea doilies. From the Victorian era.

aishwarya rai cannes 2013 61 Cannes 2013: Presenting Aishwarya Rai, the Human TentOh, come one! How can you say that this over-over-over-over embellished couch anarkali-kurta-meets-princess-ballgown by Abu Jani and Sandeep Khosla has no shape? Of course it has a shape. A tent is a shape, isn’t it? I wouldn’t be surprised if Aishwarya actually has Baby Aaradhya bundled up under that skirt. Baby sitters can’t always be trusted, you know. Especially in a foreign land. I am sure all moms would empathise.

And like a good Indian woman, she continues with the whole draped in head-to-toe-fabric with not a millimetre of skin showing from anywhere sensibility. Seriously, what’s next? A full length ghoonghat (veil)? Add in the frumpy embroidery (it literally hurts my eyes!), the voluminous silhouette and the heavy fabric and you have a look that Queen Victoria would have been proud of sporting. In her dowager days.

Except that no… not even the matronly queen would have been all right with the fit of this dress, which makes a splendid job of highlighting every single spare tyre across Aishwarya’s stomach. Or with the row of buttons that point right to her stomach like an arrow, make her look so much older and bloated. I almost feel bad for Ms. Rai – it seems like the people who dress her really hate her! Or is it a mom-in-law conspiracy? Abu Jani and Sandeep Khosla are “her” people, after all!

aishwarya rai cannes 2013 81 Cannes 2013: Presenting Aishwarya Rai, the Human TentWhy, Aishwarya, why? Why do you keep entrusting yourself to Abu Jaani and Sandeep Khosla year after year? You could have gone to the Nice flea market and found better fabric. Hell! You could have opted for the room carpet and it would have looked less worrying.

What do you say people who are reading this post? You like?

PS: On a different note, has Sonam Kapoor just packed up and gone home? There seems to be no sight or sign of her after the Chopard party!

 

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